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Top 9 Most Badass Gaming Guns of All Time

Top 9 Most Badass Gaming Guns of All Time

We have been firing guns as long as we could conceive of a pixel being a bullet. Heck, we were firing guns even before that! Light gun games existed before we had video game technology. You’d pick up a rifle which flashed a light on some freaky animatronics. Come to think of it, I really wish I had a rifle in Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Before I get off on a tangent about horrifying animatronic robots, my point is: guns are awesome, and video games have given us a chance to really get creative with our gun designs, bullets, and effects. While we may have to settle for AK-47s in real life, video games allow us to fire plasma balls, sharks, and even dubstep! We have come a long way since firing single pixels fired as bullets.

We have scoured all of video game history to find some of the most ludicrous guns ever made. No arm cannons. No ship mounted missile launchers. If you can’t hold it in your hand and pull the trigger, then it doesn’t make this list. We dare you to find any cooler, more powerful, more destructive, or more balls-out awesome guns than the 9 we feature on this list. These are 9 video game guns that are works of art.

Let them bring a tear to your eye before you blow your enemies away.

The RYNO V

The RYNO V

This gun from Ratchet & Clank, otherwise known as the “Rip Ya a New One,” won’t just shoot your enemies, it will also put on a show. It fires bullets, missiles, and fireworks, and all the while it plays Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture as long as you keep the trigger pulled. It’s sophisticated, for those who want a classical soundtrack to punctuate the ludicrous destruction this gun could dole out. Even bosses could rarely withstand the onslaught of the RYNO V for more than a few seconds.

The Portal Gun

The Portal Gun

I admit I’m cheating a little with The Portal Gun, as it’s not really firing anything other than portals. But this gun has all the greatness of the Half-Life gravity gun, and has the added ability to teleport. So why wouldn’t it be on this list? Besides, I still think the Portal Gun could be used offensively. After all, if a man’s torso simply stops existing temporarily due to you opening a rip in spacetime in its place, I have to imagine that’s a recipe for death. If you still aren’t convinced, then just set up two portals over one another, drop something in, and shoot the exit portal someplace else. Instant terminal velocity gun!

Sasha

Sasha

The Team Fortress 2 Heavy’s minigun is 331 pounds of pure devastation. As he said in the very first “meet the” video that Valve ever produced, it costs 400,000 dollars to fire this gun for twelve seconds. Not counting spin-up time, good old Sasha here fires 4 round every tenth of a second. That’s 480 bullets every 12 seconds, which is impressive enough, but whats also impressive is that each bullet costs over eight hundred dollars. He better be firing depleted uranium rounds or something like that, because lead is way more cost effective.

The Golden Gun

The Golden Gun

Goldeneye’s Golden Gun has the special ability of killing people. But wait, isn’t every gun’s ability “killing people?” Yes, but the golden gun kills everyone in one hit, no matter where you hit them, and no matter what armor they are wearing. It’s the mother of all guns. The perfect killer. Someone could stub their toe on a golden bullet and die instantly. However, few fans actually know that this gun is made out of seemingly innocuous objects such as a pen, a cigarette case, a lighter, and a pair of cufflinks, making it incredibly stealthy as well.

The Lancer

The Lancer

Do you want a gun with a chainsaw on it? I want a gun with a chainsaw on it! Why am I still talking about why this gun is awesome? It’s a gun with a chainsaw on it! Move over Final Fantasy, with all your gunblades and crap. Gears of War gave me a gun with a ton of blades athat all spin around a chain in rapid succession. We simply haven’t put much money and time into finding ways to increase our guns’ hand to hand functionality. I think chainsaw-guns could be the next big step in warfare, if we only gave them a chance.

The Shark-O-Matic

The Shark-O-Matic

One of the problems we face as environmentally conscious gun owners is the waste that using a gun creates. Shell casings and stray bullets end up all over the place, and usually we are too busy having a gunfight to clean them all up. That’s why Saint’s Row’s Shark-O-Matic is the gun of choice for those of us who want to cut down on waste. This shotgun uses a specially designed brand of chum as its ammo. When it hits a target, the smell of the chum is just so pungent that a viscous man-eating shark comes up from the ground and devours your victim. The chum is eaten, as is the victim, and you just gave a hungry shark a meal. Nothing is wasted, and you have, in fact, given back to the environment. Mother Earth thanks you.

The Cerebral Bore

The Cerebral Bore

Turok 2: Seeds of Evil may not be known for much, but it is known for the glory that is the Cerebral Bore. This sadistic gun fires out a projectile that locks on to your opponents brainwaves. It flies around a bit, so they can see it coming, and then over the course of five grueling seconds it latches onto their head and bores into their skull. When nestled into their brain, it triggers an explosion which blows the target’s head clean off, leaving the body to stumble around a bit before falling to the ground limp. Anyone who had an N64 back in the day remembers the high pitched screech of the Bore, and it was one of the most violent things the Nintendo console had to offer.

The Experimental MIRV

The Experimental MIRV

What’s cooler than a nuke? A nuke that you can fire from a gun. What’s cooler than that? Eight nukes that you can fire from a gun. I was about to put Fallout 3’s mini-nuke launcher on this list when I remembered that its Experimental MIRV was basically that times eight. Many don’t remember the experimental MIRV because you needed 8 mini-nukes to fire it, and they weren’t easy to come by. But when you could, it was the most glorious scene of nuclear devastation ever to burn out your eyeballs.

BFG 9000

BFG 9000

The original gun to end all guns, The Big F*cking Gun was the weapon we all slobbered over in the age of DOOM. The most powerful weapon in the game, and possibly in all of video game history, the BFG shoots balls of glowing green plasma that wreck just about everything in the area in a shower of one shot kills. Unlike mini-nukes and rocket launchers, you can fire this at close distances and basically be ok. There’s nothing stopping you from being a one-person force of nature with this gun. Just hammer on the trigger, point it at something, and wave bye-bye.

Can you think of bigger, badder, or more powerful guns? Let us know in the comments if you can.

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