Nintendo’s president Tatsumi Kimishima recently talked about tackling brand awareness with today’s youth during the company’s third-quarter earnings call. Tatsumi focused specifically on drawing a new generation of gamers into Nintendo’s newest video game offerings through the company’s licensed products rather than simply relying on the games themselves to build an identity. In other words, Nintendo is going to focus more on Mario toothbrushes and Yoshi wrist watches to attract gamers to play Mario and Yoshi-themed titles. This idea could either be hilariously disastrous or it could actually end up working out. Either way, it’s high time we take a look back at the ten worst pieces of merchandise in the history of gaming.
Jar Jar Binks Candy Tongue
The Jar Jar Binks Candy Tongue was a dual promotion for Star Wars: The Phantom Menace ’s silver screen debut in May of 1999 and video game release a month later. Not only was sucking on Jar Jar Bink’s tongue a terrible idea, but the shape of the tongue was rather suspect to begin with. This one should forever be filed under sick and twisted.
Super Mario Bros. Shower Power
I don’t really know where to start with this one. The naked younger version of Bruno Mars on the cover is weird enough without the added “Scald Protection,” which sounds like something you’ll definitely need if navigating between blue and red isn’t your strong point. Anyway, showering with Mario and his brohan Luigi seems a little creepy from my vantage point.
World of Warcraft Beer Stein
Nothing says “I’m a full fledged nerd” like a World of Warcraft beer stein. I’m not too sure where Blizzard was going with this one, unless they think most of their users are plotzed when engaging in epic adventures over the interwebs. Then again, you’d have to be pretty drunk to purchase one of these atrocious designs. Let’s chalk this one up to opportunity cost.
Sonic the Hedgehog Wine Glass
Dubbed as the rarest piece of Sonic merchandise ever created, the 10th Anniversary wine glass is without a doubt one of the weirdest. The glass was signed by creators Takashi Iizuka and Yuji Naka and given to Sega employees to mark the release of Sonic Adventure 2 . I’m sure it was a nice gesture at the time, but what does a wine glass have anything to do with Sonic or video gaming? The answer is nothing – save your $3,000, kids.
Call of Duty Jeep
Yes, this Jeep does actually exist and yes, the impulse shoppers are still suffering from serious buyer’s remorse. Don’t get me wrong, the Jeep was sweet in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 . However, that’s exactly where it should stay, especially since it cost roughly 10k more than the standard version. Yep, 10k for a few flimsy badges and simplistic decals.
No More Heroes Toilet Paper
Ubisoft’s butt paper was so much of a hit in Japan that it was only a matter of time before it sailed across the ocean to the U.S. The concept is rather hilarious and is in direct reference to the save mechanic featured within the game, which is only achieved when the main character cops a squat at the nearest toilet. I’m still trying to figure out if this is the purest form of marketing genius or just some coder’s joke gone too far.
Pip-Boy Replica
This one is pretty close to the most useless piece of gaming merchandise to ever hit retail shelves. It’s big, bulky, and completely ridiculous. Oh, but don’t forget the AAA batteries and the second model released for Fallout 4 . Yep, people definitely bought this piece of junk a second time around.
GTA IV Safe
I still remember the day I was offered this hilarious preorder package for Grand Theft Auto IV Special Edition – thank god I passed. My suspicions of it’s terriblness were soon confirmed via the mass of GTA fans who bashed the product almost immediately after its release. The flimsy safe was easily crackable via screwdriver or a swift karate chop to its paper thin housing. Facepalm to the fans who actually thought this would be a cool collector’s item.
Xbox 360 Soap
I don’t know if there is a pun intended here or the manufacturer just really loves the Xbox 360 controller. Either way, it’s a weird concept that lands at number one on our list. Just imagine bathing with this awkward piece. How do you avoid the thumbstick? It’s madness, pure illicit drug-induced conceptional madness.