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Top 10 Killer Hitman Assassinations

Top 10 Killer Hitman Assassinations

Agent 47 finally makes his long-awaited debut on the current console generation Friday, March 11. The latest edition to the Hitman franchise will come packed with seven separate episodes that include the ability to play one-time-only contracts that populate once and then disappear forever. These new events are said to come loaded with some rather creative assassinations that will rival the early editions that gamers came to love. That claim makes for a great excuse to take a look back at the best assassinations ever committed in the Hitman franchise.

Layla Stockton (Absolution)

Layla Stockton (Absolution)

The Layla Stockton hit in Absolution was the Hitman series on full display. The manner in which players could take her down was not only unique, but it was entily at their discretion. Whack her with a machete, mow her and the entire crew down, blow her up with C4, no problem- the choice was entirely up to the player. My personal favorite, tossing her over the balcony while she enjoyed a cigarette. Hey, they say smoking kills, right?

Chad Bingham Jr. (Blood Money)

Chad Bingham Jr. (Blood Money)

Shooting the bottom out of Bingham’s glass-encased hot tube was a classic contract for the Hitman series. Seriously, watching this rich butthole fall to his hilarious death was all the more fun when repeated several times over.

Winston Beldingford (Contracts)

Winston Beldingford (Contracts)

Smothering this Pervis McDougle with a satin pillow was a strange way to take down a rather dirty old chap. The most ironic part of the whole takedown was 47 using Beldingford’s peephole to spy on him. Now that’s the meaning of the word, Ms. Morissette.

Skip Muldoon (Blood Money)

Skip Muldoon (Blood Money)

Skip Muldoon certainly had an appetite for sweets. Heck, it’s the only reason 47 was able to get close enough to pinch him off. Skip’s hillbilly henchmen were a perfect addition to this sweet piece of revenge, not to mention Skip’s equally hilarious collapse within the captain’s quarters.

Edward Wade (Absolution)

Edward Wade (Absolution)

That he’s a friend of Dom Osmond’s is the only thing you need to know in order to identify this guy’s MO.  The really sick and twisted aspect to killing Wade comes from his hilarious last line, “I have wood, man. Why do I have wood?” Whatever way you whack this dirty man, he always seems to slip his famous line in somehow.

Sherriff Clive Skurky (Absolution)

Sherriff Clive Skurky (Absolution)

Skurky was one corrupt piece of work in Hitman Absolution . Taking down this pile of dirt was all the more fun with his beloved townspeople watching. Not only did we finally get to end his reign of corruption and terror, but we also saved the pastor in the process. I’d say that’s a job well done, folks.

Vinnie Sinistra (Blood Money)

Vinnie Sinistra (Blood Money)

The Vinnie “Slugger” Sinistra assassination in Blood Money is another gem that sticks in the minds of Hitman fans some ten years later. The tables are finally turned on the ruthless hitman himself when Agent 47 lures him to the front window for some pumpkin smashing courtesy of the vintage .556 round. Taking down Vinnie is definitely an iconic experience.

Lenny Dexter (Absolution)

Lenny Dexter (Absolution)

Lenny Dexter is probably one of the most satisfying takedowns in any Hitman gave I’ve ever played. This guy is the complete definition of a scumbag. The game allows players to choose their assassination method, including the ability to summon an ice cream truck that will run him over. Hint: take down the nearby vultures and you’ll have your ghost rider.

Dom Osmond (Absolution)

Dom Osmond (Absolution)

The Dom Osmond assassination in Absolution was both hilarious and completely justified – the dude was a straight up jerk. Popping him through the security glass conjured memories of a famous Boondock Saints shootout. Nicely done, 47.

Alvaro D’Alvade (Blood Money)

Alvaro D’Alvade (Blood Money)

The poetic justice oozes from the television set when 47 drops in to wipe out the suave Alvaro D’Alvade at the Paris Opera rehearsal. The manner in which 47 eliminates his target is both pure genius and something straight out of a WWII flick. The minute he swaps out the replica pistol for the real thing, thus allowing Alvaro’s costar to bust him down, the epicness of the assassination begins to set in – a thing of video game beauty.

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