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10 Video Game Face-Offs You’d Pay To See

10 Video Game Face-Offs You’d Pay To See

Video game characters are arguably the most colorful aspect of the medium, trumping even genres in their sheer diversity. I’ve been spending my Spring Break as the Arisen in Dragon’s Dogma, but I’ve also been hunting Soul Edge as Seong Mi-na and Amy in Soul Calibur. Better still, last week I was in command of the Gallian forces in Valkyria Chronicles—I can go on. Game characters can be likened to snowflakes for their individuality, but they do wind up in some familiar situations and “jobs” (murdering demons, hunting treasure, busting gangs—you know, the usual occupations). So, here are ten one-on-one character face-offs that would draw an impressive crowd.

Sam Fisher (Splinter Cell) vs. Sackboy (LittleBigPlanet) in Best Gadgets

Sam Fisher (Splinter Cell) vs. Sackboy (LittleBigPlanet) in Best Gadgets

You’d be hard pressed to find two games that are less alike than this pair, which makes a technological arms race between the two that much better to watch. One’s an espionage and stealth specialist, and the other is a cute little yarn creature that likes to jump and throw things. But with both sporting an arsenal of advanced weaponry and James Bond-beating gadgets—from lasers and smoke bombs to Grabinators and grappling hooks—a match between the two would definitely get sparks flying.

That, and I can think of nothing funnier than seeing Sam thrown off a ledge by a decked-out Sackboy.

Bayonetta (Bayonetta) vs. Dante (DmC: Devil May Cry) in Best Combos

Bayonetta (Bayonetta) vs. Dante (DmC: Devil May Cry) in Best Combos

Hack-and-slash games are known for their crazy character moves and fast-paced gameplay, but these protagonists in particular have fluidity in spades. What could be more chaotic than pitting an overly-sexualized Umbra witch against a pissed-off demon hunter in a bout of fast hands and big blades? Demon hair-constructs would be appearing out of nowhere while Dante switches from crazy weapon to crazy weapon without breaking a sweat (or his combo counter). There isn’t a competitive fighting tournament in existence that could compete with that kind of action!

Faith (Mirror’s Edge) vs. Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) in Fleetest Feet

Faith (Mirror’s Edge) vs. Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) in Fleetest Feet

Facing Sonic in a foot race would normally sound pretty futile; the guy runs at the speed of sound, after all. But when you throw the verticality of an urban landscape into the mix, which just so happens to be Faith’s specialty, things get interesting. The Blue Blur may have platforming down pat, but he’s never been too great at negotiating heights (that, or I just wasn’t too great at negotiating vertical puzzles.) Either way, a match between these speed demons would surely lead to some down-to-the-wire, nail-biting, winning-by-a-nose racing.

Jason Brody (Far Cry 3) vs. Isaac Clarke (Dead Space) in Best Survivor

Jason Brody (Far Cry 3) vs. Isaac Clarke (Dead Space) in Best Survivor

Being kidnapped by a psychopathic pirate and stranded on a tropical island is one thing, but being forced to confront an army of immortal flesh demons is another problem entirely. Both of these guys were dropped into a living hell with virtually no equipment and were forced to learn how to survive as the jackal among wolves. And, surprisingly, they actually pull it off quite well, but not without some serious trials. Although open world FPS and survival horror don’t exactly mesh well, a test of mettle and quick-thinking between Jason and Isaac could be the most entertaining fight-for-your-life reality show in history.

Mordecai (Borderlands) vs. Zero (Borderlands 2) in Best Aim

Mordecai (Borderlands) vs. Zero (Borderlands 2) in Best Aim

Pandora changed so much in Borderlands 2’s development period that fans of the series didn’t even know where we were when we first got into the action. Luckily, we could still take solace in the fact that we had a dead-eye sniper at our disposal. Although you’re free to use whatever guns you please, both Mordecai and Zero are geared toward the pinpoint-accuracy side of Gear Box’s infinite arsenal—namely revolvers and sniper rifles. But fancy Hyperion weaponry, skill trees, and action skills can only go so far. I say it’s time for a test of accuracy between the Hunter and the Number.

Joseph Capelli (Resistance 3) VS. Ratchet (Ratchet & Clank) in Best Weaponry

Joseph Capelli (Resistance 3) VS. Ratchet (Ratchet & Clank) in Best Weaponry

Nobody knows crazy guns quite like Insomniac, and both of their premier franchises will attest to that. (I’m sure Fuse will offer some creative and tactical guns as well.) How, then, do we choose between the lethally efficient Chimera-tech of Resistance and the outlandish rocket-launchers and magma cannons of Ratchet & Clank? Easy! Just side with the one who’s got the most ammunition. I’m going with the Dual Raptors on this one.

Nolan Stross (Dead Space 2) vs. Alice (Alice: Madness Returns) in Craziest Delusions

Nolan Stross (Dead Space 2) vs. Alice (Alice: Madness Returns) in Craziest Delusions

Quality maniacs are hard to come by in games these days. Seriously, they’re way too apathetic and monotone. Lucky for us, we’ve been given a handful of incredulous, inconsistent, and dangerously creative mental cases, and Stross and Alice are top-tier crazy. Alice: Madness Returns portrays a gothic reimagining of Wonderland complete with scythe-toting demons, floating pig noses, and flesh-tentacle fingers, all of which have been concocted by Alice’s thinly stretched and battered psyche. Granted, we may not know exactly what Stross is seeing, but judging by what the Marker shows Isaac, it’s none too pretty. It was bad enough to convince him to pry a young woman’s eye out with a screwdriver, after all.

Navi (The Legend of Zelda) vs. Slippy Toad (Star Fox 64) in Worst Partner

Navi (The Legend of Zelda) vs. Slippy Toad (Star Fox 64) in Worst Partner

Bad A.I. is annoying, but bearable. Annoying A.I., on the other hand, is just plain horrible. Repetitive questioning and all, these charitably named “friends” are sure to drive you absolutely insane throughout your playthrough. I will gladly admit to purposely letting Slippy get shot to all hell just to shut him up. Unfortunately, Link has it far worse. You’re offered no such reprieve—short of the increasingly tempting mute button—from the iconic torrent of “Hey! Listen!” as you adventure your way through the world, and you’re guaranteed to absolutely despise this little fairy and her incomparably worthless advice by the game’s end.

Also, I would like to take the time to offer an Honorable Mention to Sheva from Resident Evil 5. Don’t take her absence the wrong way; she’s still an idiot. She just didn’t make the cut.

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) vs. Nathan Drake (Uncharted) in Best Treasure Hunter

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) vs. Nathan Drake (Uncharted) in Best Treasure Hunter

This match-up is an absolute classic among today’s gaming community, what with Lara seeing a fantastic reboot and Uncharted 3 multiplayer going free-to-play. Both protagonists are critically acclaimed and well-written treasure hunters with a knack for history, so choosing between the two is no easy task. We can’t even play the shallow card and pick the more attractive one, since they epitomize their respective genders so well. So, the only way to settle it is with a good-old-fashioned treasure race. One idol, one bag of sand, and one giant boulder will decide the victor.

On second thought, I may have my treasure hunters mixed up.

Ezio Auditore (Assassin’s Creed) vs. Cole MacGrath (inFamous) in Best Free-Runner

Ezio Auditore (Assassin’s Creed) vs. Cole MacGrath (inFamous) in Best Free-Runner

A Renaissance cityscape isn’t exactly user-friendly, but the same can be said for a decimated concrete jungle. Regardless, both of these guys tackle the twists, turns, and leaps of their world without hesitation. Able to chase down peddlers and thugs, let gravity do the fighting for them, and utilize all manner of urban exploration techniques, both assassin and impromptu hero have versatility going for them. Not even Mario, the king of platformers, can hold a candle to the jumps and grabs that this pair is packing, so it’s down to them to fight it out amongst themselves. But quite frankly, I don’t know if any amount of time trials or fetch quests will settle this one.

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