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10 Ways To Tell If You’re a Game Junkie

10 Ways To Tell If You’re a Game Junkie

There are varying forms of addiction in this world. Some of them are good, and some of them are not. In the realm of gaming, there are those who merely play games, and then there are those who live them. But every once in a while, you will find a gamer who has fallen completely off the wagon and now eats, sleeps, and breathes video games. Sadly, there are no real clinical diagnoses for these conditions. So we here at CheatCC decided that we would come up with our own clinical terminology to try and qualify these serious conditions that lead to true gaming addiction. Are they the best terms ever coined? We’re pretty sure they’re not. But hey, none of us are doctors. We did the best we could. Enjoy!

Underoosus Wearum

Underoosus Wearum

This is a sad affliction. All who show signs of being afflicted with this tend to be very reclusive and hard to spot. But the most frequent recognition of this type of addict is by the family members who find the gamer dressed in nothing but underoos that bear the artwork of their favorite gaming icons. Some of the most popular are Mario, Pac-Man, and Spider-Man. These afflicted may also be seen wearing adult footy pajamas showing the same characters, and they are often found drooling in their sleep on pillows bearing the same art.

Scalpus Stylisma

Scalpus Stylisma

This is a rare condition by which all who are affected exhibit the same fervent need to make their hair look exactly like that of their favorite gaming characters. People who show signs of this rare disorder will often frequent public areas only to show off their new do. Some of the most frequent are those who choose to make their hair look like Tidus from Final Fantasy X or Dante from Devil May Cry . Electric clippers are typically the most effective treatment for this malady.

Vox Spasmodicus

Vox Spasmodicus

This condition will cause the gamer to begin to speak in gamer-isms. They will begin to amalgamate in-game phrases into nearly every facet of their daily conversation–phrases such as “Save me squire!” or “This is your fault. I’m going to kill you. And all the cake is gone. You don’t even care do you?” This condition, while often hilarious, is very serious and should only be countered with quotes of appropriate magnitude when trying to communicate with the afflicted.

Noobum Gauntletum

Noobum Gauntletum

These gamers will often become completely enraged if called a noob by a gamer online. Even if the slur is true, and they are indeed new to whatever game they are playing, they will often find this to be a challenge of their gaming skills. Calling these particular addicts “noob” will often cause them to convulse with anger and begin to spew all manner of obscenity from their mouths at any and all gamers within their proximity.

Console Collectum

Console Collectum

People exhibiting this series of symptoms will often stockpile multiple sets of nearly every gaming system they have ever played a game on. In some more extreme cases, these addicts will even begin to hoard arcade consoles as well as their favorite consoles. Often times, the only way to deal with these people is to offer them gifts of accessories for a long-extinct system.

Callplanus Cancello

Callplanus Cancello

In this condition, the addict will often cease all communications by phone and start talking to people only via their favorite gaming network. They will often cancel their cellular telephone plans or even their landline phone plans (if they still have one) and will start to communicate solely through their headset into their gaming system. These people should be approached with extreme caution and talked to in gamer terms as if playing a game with them online.

Dissociative Malling Syndrome

Dissociative Malling Syndrome

Some true addicts reach a point within their social confines that they completely dissociate themselves from real people. As with the previous syndrome, people will find it easier to meet and interact with people in the social gathering areas of their favorite gaming network rather than finding and initiating conversations with real people in a real place such as a mall or eatery.

Facatomofriendus Diminishum

Facatomofriendus Diminishum

Take a look at any true gaming addict’s Facebook page and you will see the staggering imbalance between the number of game sites they have clicked the like-button on and the number of friends they have. In true addictive form, the gamer tends to stop following the exploits of friends on Facebook and finds more time to search gaming sites, developer sites, and Internet news media pages to try and find that leak of information before anyone else. This condition typically requires intense intervention.

Expendo-Incomus Detrimentus

Expendo-Incomus Detrimentus

This is the frightening condition where the gamer starts spending more money on a costume to wear at the upcoming midnight release of his or her favorite game than they do on their monthly living expenses. You can often find the afflicted in second-hand stores, thrift shops, and costume stores of all types. They are typically rummaging through rack after rack of clothing and accessories looking for the perfect piece. If not in a physical store, you can find them sweating profusely and ingesting copious amounts of caffeine in attempts to out-bid other cosplayers in online auctions.

Vox Claptrapus

Vox Claptrapus

A very serious condition in which the gamer becomes unable to speak in any other manner than that of the yellow, cynical robot from Borderlands . Typically, symptoms include fits of repeating themselves at high speeds, shouting out for no real reason at all, and making random comments that in no way affect or in fact have anything to do with the current conversation. But most often, you can find one suffering from a condition such as this alone in a frozen wasteland, looting corpses of fallen vault hunters, and rambling to themselves.

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